Growing up, I hated losing.
I’m pretty competitive.

I want to win every time.
I want to have everything in the world go my way.

I think some of that competitiveness followed me here.
When I’m writing sports stories, I hate it when a Slave Lake team loses!

I love it when they win. I get excited writing about their victories, their medals and everything they accomplished.
But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized there are some fights I can never really win.

Especially with the people I love.

When you have a disagreement with someone you barely know, sometimes it’s easier.
You apologize, move forward and hope it doesn’t happen again.

But with the people we love, it’s different.
Sometimes, we lose.

My mom and I had an argument recently.
We argue from time to time, but this one was different.

I didn’t talk to her for weeks.
I felt like I needed to stand my ground and put up boundaries.

Then my dad told me to try to understand her.
Why would I? I thought.

Then he told me my mom had been going for checkups because she hadn’t been feeling well.
And there it was.

I lost again.
I called her and asked her about her day.

But these moments made me realize something: sometimes, we “lose” to the people we love because we have consideration for them.
And I think that can be one of the highest forms of love.

Before anyone thinks I’m saying we should forget about boundaries, accept being hurt or let people treat us however they want, that’s not what I mean.

Boundaries are important.
Losing doesn’t mean abandoning your boundaries.

Sometimes, it simply means choosing understanding over needing to win.
There is a difference between allowing someone to continuously hurt you and recognizing that someone you love made a mistake.

The people we love are not perfect.
Sometimes, the way they love us isn’t perfect either.

Neither is the way we love them.
My mom apologized to me, and I apologized to her.

Nobody really won those arguments.
Maybe nobody needed to.

Sometimes, loving someone means deciding that understanding them matters more than proving you were right.
It means giving someone room to make a mistake while still expecting them to take responsibility for it.

So, losing?

Maybe it’s okay to lose sometimes to the people we love.
Because maybe that kind of losing isn’t really losing at all.

Maybe it’s choosing the relationship over the argument, while still respecting ourselves along the way.
Although when it comes to sports, I’m apparently not quite as mature yet.

I’m still giving myself a chance to write a positive story whenever a Slave Lake team loses!
I’m working on it.

Commentary by
Julia Magsombol